Of Excuses and dating

This article first appeared in on 14th October 2018 on Ugandan Lady Surveyor’ blog run by Nagawa Michelle https://wp.me/pbXjHO-2X

When they start having an excuse for every occurrence. I was busythe car got stuck or there was a lot of traffic. Excuse after excuse. Always on the defensive. They expect you to understand them but do they ever understand you. You always have to fit in their shoes but have they tried to even try an inch of yours. The emotions boil up until you can’t breathe no more. Tears run down your face because their excuses are too lame and monotonous.

When they cannot be with you when they are supposed to, instead they have an abrupt excuse. It’s as though you never mattered in the first place. You question if you were ever a priority. A simple text is like running a milestone now and yet in the initial stages, you did not have to ask for that attention. It was all provided without hesitation. Is it because you now gave in to their demands hence they don’t have any use for you in their lives anymore? Well of course, they will have an excuse.

When they start being uncomfortable with you in public. When every phone call is at the wrong time even when it’s basic knowledge that it takes seconds to text back. But they have an excuse to beat a deadline. The seconds, minutes and hours go by without that reply. This makes you wonder, can I really rely on this them? What if it was a matter of life and death, what then? What if they were supposed to be my hero, wouldn’t I be dead by now. It is clear as day light that you are not priority. Maybe it’s time for you to walk away. The excuses are too many to keep you entangled in this situation.

It’s not hard to make time for a proper call and it’s not a burden to see someone you want to see. It should not be hard for you to make time for the person that means so much to you. It should not be hard to communicate with the person you ought to see. It should not be hard to get off a few seconds of your time to text back that person you hold dear. When the excuses come in, then you don’t treasure them that much as you want them to believe.

When we make too many excuses for those we love. They lose trust in you, they lose their confidence in you. They know they can’t rely on you anymore and when the excuses keep on the rise, eventually they will walk away. Remember whatever drains one of their peace is surely expensive and therefore they will most certainly choose to walk away.

To buy ourselves more time with them. We all have 24 hours a day to accomplish our set objectives for the day. There is nothing like a lot or little time, it’s the same count. Therefore rather than make up excuses, prioritize and set aside time to communicate with people we love. That simple sacrifice seems small but speaks volumes. It is time to make memories that can last a life time. Make the time. You have the ability to do that.

To be sure that they are not like the ones before.  Give them the benefit of the doubt and be clear in what you want. Often times, we are not mind readers to know what you want, make your needs known and let the other person or persons do what they can accomplish them. Let us refrain from stereotyping. Everyone deserves a chance to show you who they really are for who they are. Don’t even start to imagine them like the ones before, because that will be the start of the downfall of the relationship you’re trying to build.         

Other times we are scared of the truth. It is alright to be scared of the truth but always remember, the truth hurts once it’s heard once but a lie hurts every time you remember it. Choose the truth, every time. It will save you time trying to keep with all the lies and excuses you have to make up.

When we fear to accept that it’s time to walk away. Never fear to walk away, you deserve all the best in the world and if someone is not offering you that, don’t even waste an ounce of your time. It’s really hard to believe in the unknown but the right people that will give you all that you need are out there. You need to give it time, keep searching and your hard work will eventually pay off. No doubt about that.

The truth is if you don’t feel like you can count on that person and if you have to spend your time wondering what you mean to them or why they do the things they do, then it’s only going to drain you. If you feel like you’re the one who is always compromising or making the effort, then it will always be an unbalanced relationship. The truth is a lack of effort kills the spark and ruins the relationship.

You therefore need to choose you. Choose your happiness, a peace of mind, a balanced and healthy relationship with someone who obviously appreciates you for you are and will come through when you need them. Choose to be a priority and be with someone who makes you one in their lives. No more excuses.

Nagawa Michelle’s work can be found here she is a very better storyteller than me, so please check her site.

5 thoughts on “Of Excuses and dating

  1. The irony of it all is a lot of us know this but somehow we hold on, hoping that maybe tomorrow is the day they change but they never do. And by the time you look back, time has passed you by and you conclude it’s better to just settle than to start looking for where or how to start again.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Great advice there. I mean we all need reminders sometimes. As much as it’s tough recognizing things that don’t work for us, this could be the turning point for someone.. keep up the great work🤗

    Liked by 1 person

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